I think back and it's hard to picture my life before Dylan. He has given my life such joy and new meaning. Before him I realize now what a big void there was in my heart.
Dylan is the most amazing thing to me. Such a loving happy child with an infectious laugh. His confidence in himself is so refreshing. As parents it's hard sometimes when our unique sweet children are measured up to charts and standards. This percentile or that average. It breeds fear in our hearts, and forces us to worry and compare when we normally wouldn't. Before I had Dylan I really didn't fear the word "different" as I do today. In many cases it felt like a good thing.
In April of this year I was confronted with the fact that Dylan is different. I was told the journey ahead for my husband and I would be a challenging one. It was simply stated to me that Dylan was "gifted". As much as deep in my heart I had suspicions that something was different, it still knocked the wind out from me when I heard someone else say it. The main reason being that I know the information given to me "gifted" was given to me lightly with much lacking. I knew it was not that simple.
For weeks I read and researched and wanted so badly to be able to just grasp this simple concept of "gifted", but as a mother, you know. I believe with all my heart as mommies, what we really need to know, our hearts try to tell us. Despite my suspicions, I tried to hide what I feared to be true.
It wasn't until this past July that my husband and I stopped fighting our denial and took the hard stand that we need to do what we felt would be best for Dylan. Furthermore that by accepting the situation we are not condemning him to labels, but rather embarrassing his unique differences and doing everything we can to give him the best possible start we can.
I am trying to admire all the wonderful positive things my little boy genius can do instead of fearing them. When Dylan was two he mastered the Alphabet and the complete concept of numbers like it was nothing. Colors and Shapes came shortly behind. Do you know what a decagon is? Dylan does, along with any and every -agon shape you can think of lol. Math is nothing. Counting forward, backwards, by 5's, 10's, 25's, 100's etc present no challenge, and are obtained without being taught.
Back in April the doctor was simply amazed he was able to type 1-9 using my blackberry. At that time that was hardly a fraction of his abilities. I scratched my head thinking surely this is the norm. Within a couple weeks he went from tracing letters to writing them without assistance. Tonight he wrote his grandma a little letter all by himself and was able to clearly read what he wrote. Yes reading! He has taught himself how to read! He sounds out words, and within seconds of hearing a word he can tell you the first few letters of it.
Dylan's idea of play is his nose burred into a Kindergarten workbook. But with this comes fears.
I sat down a few days ago trying so hard to get him engaged in conversation with me. He was not uncomfortable, and seemed very happy to the hugging and with the attention, but his mind like always was elsewhere.
He looks at me and says "a bunch"
I reply "a bunch what?"
"a bunch questions" he says
"do you think mama is asking a bunch of questions?"
"200 MILLION!" he replies
This was sweet and heart breaking all in one blow. While some children go on an on about some cute little thing they thought up, or wanted to share, Dylan finds no point in it. His memory is astounding! And it has been since a early age. He is good at giving very detailed play by plays of things that have happened that interest him, but any other sort of communication seems pointless to him.
Back in April we where suggested to visit a developmental pediatrician. However, my husband and I have not made a decision on this yet. I do understand the concerns of labeling a child at this age, but I want to try to do what I feel would help him as much to my ability as possible. And at this point I do not have much confidence in the healthcare system.
My suspicions are that Dylan as Aspergers. This past July as my husband and I where sorting out our feelings, his school contacted me with some concerns. The school director shared with me that she was glad I said something, because she was pondering how to bring up some suspicions she has lightly. She continued on by explaining her daughter has Aspergers and some of the challenges she has faced through the years. So many of the things she explained where like she was explaining Dylan. His obsessive nature, high intelligence, and complexity of the routines he takes to. She said she had ways to help us evaluate Dylan and get him the therapy he needs.
Now that they understand my concerns, they can better understand what maybe explaining Dylan's differences from the other child. He loves school, and even though he know the names of all his classmates, he does not really interact with them. This past Friday the teacher told me that she let Dylan hold some flashcards that where for the teachers only. She said she told the children Dylan only would be playing with them. The teacher said all the children gathered and sat with Dylan and he started teaching all the children the colors and shapes on the cards. This made me and the teachers happy. It was social interaction that Dylan needed. It was also encouraging to me that Dylan did not feel any anxiety from this attention by his peers. I feel lucky to have him in a school that understands him and is willing to try things to help. I really don't expect to be catered too, but it is nice to see others care in the concerns I have and want to help.
Today was Dylan's evaluation. When I saw the specialist called, part of me was still thinking or hoping they would be calling to say "oh he's fine, just a typical three year old". As much as I think I am holding on to the reality of the situation there apparently is still apart of me that thinks "surely this can't be! What are the chances". The specialist was astounded by his skills, once again only seeing a small portion of them. I was told they would be consulting other specialist and would need to spend more time with Dylan to better understand him.
I have been told many times if my suspicions are correct the worse is yet to come, and early intervention is key. I know some may think wow how wonderful, and think of it simply as I am just blessed with a bright child, and I am. But it's not that easy. I have chose for the moment to leave out the day to day concerns, and tears shed over many concerning areas because that is not my intention. I don't want to focus on those things. Many of you who know me know that it is not like me to share such a deep post. And I'm really not sure why I feel the pressing need to. Maybe it's a way of further trying to make myself accept the situation, or maybe someone out there has gone through the same struggles. Or maybe I just need to share what has weighed so heavy on my heart as of late.
I know things will be fine, but I guess I am still kind of scared of the unknown that lays ahead of me.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read about my precious Dylan.
