Beginning of a New Journey

I think back and it's hard to picture my life before Dylan.  He has given my life such joy and new meaning.  Before him I realize now what a big void there was in my heart. 

Dylan is the most amazing thing to me.  Such a loving happy child with an infectious laugh.  His confidence in himself is so refreshing.  As parents it's hard sometimes when our unique sweet children are measured up to charts and standards.  This percentile or that average.  It breeds fear in our hearts, and forces us to worry and compare when we normally wouldn't.  Before I had Dylan I really didn't fear the word "different" as I do today.  In many cases it felt like a good thing.

In April of this year I was confronted with the fact that Dylan is different.  I was told the journey ahead for my husband and I would be a challenging one.  It was simply stated to me that Dylan was "gifted".  As much as deep in my heart I had suspicions that something was different, it still knocked the wind out from me when I heard someone else say it.  The main reason being that I know the information given to me "gifted" was given to me lightly with much lacking.  I knew it was not that simple.

For weeks I read and researched and wanted so badly to be able to just grasp this simple concept of "gifted", but as a mother, you know.  I believe with all my heart as mommies, what we really need to know, our hearts try to tell us.  Despite my suspicions, I tried to hide what I feared to be true.

It wasn't until this past July that my husband and I stopped fighting our denial and took the hard stand that we need to do what we felt would be best for Dylan. Furthermore that by accepting the situation we are not condemning him to labels, but rather embarrassing his unique differences and doing everything we can to give him the best possible start we can.

I am trying to admire all the wonderful positive things my little boy genius can do instead of fearing them.  When Dylan was two he mastered the Alphabet and the complete concept of numbers like it was nothing.  Colors and Shapes came shortly behind.  Do you know what a decagon is?  Dylan does, along with any and every -agon shape you can think of lol.  Math is nothing.  Counting forward, backwards, by 5's, 10's, 25's, 100's etc present no challenge, and are obtained without being taught.

Back in April the doctor was simply amazed he was able to type 1-9 using my blackberry.  At that time that was hardly a fraction of his abilities.  I scratched my head thinking surely this is the norm.  Within a couple weeks he went from tracing letters to writing them without assistance.  Tonight he wrote his grandma a little letter all by himself and was able to clearly read what he wrote.  Yes reading!  He has taught himself how to read!  He sounds out words, and within seconds of hearing a word he can tell you the first few letters of it.

Dylan's idea of play is his nose burred into a Kindergarten workbook.  But with this comes fears.

I sat down a few days ago trying so hard to get him engaged in conversation with me.  He was not uncomfortable, and seemed very happy to the hugging and with the attention, but his mind like always was elsewhere. 

He looks at me and says "a bunch"

I reply "a bunch what?"

"a bunch questions" he says

"do you think mama is asking a bunch of questions?"

"200 MILLION!" he replies

This was sweet and heart breaking all in one blow.  While some children go on an on about some cute little thing they thought up, or wanted to share, Dylan finds no point in it.  His memory is astounding!  And it has been since a early age.  He is good at giving very detailed play by plays of things that have happened that interest him, but any other sort of communication seems pointless to him.

Back in April we where suggested to visit a developmental pediatrician.  However, my husband and I have not made a decision on this yet.  I do understand the concerns of labeling a child at this age, but I want to try to do what I feel would help him as much to my ability as possible.  And at this point I do not have much confidence in the healthcare system.

My suspicions are that Dylan as Aspergers.  This past July as my husband and I where sorting out our feelings, his school contacted me with some concerns.  The school director shared with me that she was glad I said something, because she was pondering how to bring up some suspicions she has lightly.  She continued on by explaining her daughter has Aspergers and some of the challenges she has faced through the years.  So many of the things she explained where like she was explaining Dylan.  His obsessive nature, high intelligence, and complexity of the routines he takes to.  She said she had ways to help us evaluate Dylan and get him the therapy he needs.

Now that they understand my concerns, they can better understand what maybe explaining Dylan's differences from the other child.  He loves school, and even though he know the names of all his classmates, he does not really interact with them.  This past Friday the teacher told me that she let Dylan hold some flashcards that where for the teachers only.  She said she told the children Dylan only would be playing with them.  The teacher said all the children gathered and sat with Dylan and he started teaching all the children the colors and shapes on the cards.  This made me and the teachers happy.  It was social interaction that Dylan needed.  It was also encouraging to me that Dylan did not feel any anxiety from this attention by his peers.  I feel lucky to have him in a school that understands him and is willing to try things to help.  I really don't expect to be catered too, but it is nice to see others care in the concerns I have and want to help.

Today was Dylan's evaluation.  When I saw the specialist called, part of me was still thinking or hoping they would be calling to say "oh he's fine, just a typical three year old".  As much as I think I am holding on to the reality of the situation there apparently is still apart of me that thinks "surely this can't be! What are the chances".  The specialist was astounded by his skills, once again only seeing a small portion of them.  I was told they would be consulting other specialist and would need to spend more time with Dylan to better understand him. 

I have been told many times if my suspicions are correct the worse is yet to come, and early intervention is key.  I know some may think wow how wonderful, and think of it simply as I am just blessed with a bright child, and I am.  But it's not that easy.  I have chose for the moment to leave out the day to day concerns, and tears shed over many concerning areas because that is not my intention.  I don't want to focus on those things.  Many of you who know me know that it is not like me to share such a deep post.  And I'm really not sure why I feel the pressing need to.  Maybe it's a way of further trying to make myself accept the situation, or maybe someone out there has gone through the same struggles.  Or maybe I just need to share what has weighed so heavy on my heart as of late.

I know things will be fine, but I guess I am still kind of scared of the unknown that lays ahead of me.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read about my precious Dylan.

 

 

Comments

[marisa @ a little birdy told me...]

He sounds incredible. I can only imagine all the wonderful things he will do and the impact he will have on the world. God has a plan for each of us and he doesnt give us any other label besides "his child". Best of luck to you guys!

[Sarah]

I know that you, your husband and Dylan have a different road to take, much different then what you expected, but it will be full of blessings, promise, and love, but also of anger, and sadness. One thing I know, is that it will get better, for you and for your family through time. Sending you lots of love and hugs - and you know I am there for you if you ever need to talk.

xo,
Sarah

[sharon]

Hi Cassandra,
Your post was beautifully written. He certainly is a special child. I wish the best for your family. My sister is a special needs adult (since birth) so I am aware of the challenges. But he has such wonderful gifts! You have so many more resources available today so you are very lucky that way. Thanks so much for sharing such a personal thing.

Hugs,
Sharon

[debi]

Cassandra,

How very blessed you are to have found this out now, when you can learn all you can about it and do everything you can to help Dylan.
I have a son with Asperger's, but he was not diagnosed until he was in his 20's. Everyone just always told me he was very smart, and shy.
If you ever need to 'talk', I'm here.
Hugs, Debi

[Jo in Tas]

Fabulous post Cassandra. I can't even imagine the anxiety this has caused you. It sounds like the start of a Journey that's going to have many ups and downs but right there amongst it all will be your love for your little boy. No matter what you'll always love and cherish him. Label or no label he's special to you!
Hugs
Jo

[Jennifer Hayslip]

Cassandra, Your little boy is a rare precious gem! He has special gifts, and has the most supportive loving parents that will help guide him thru any challenge he may have. I can't imagine how difficult this for you to accept. We always want the absolute best for our children. Im sure with much research and local support you will help Dylan conquer any challenges that come his way. Im happy the teachers are supportive and he is feeling a little more encouraged by his peers. :)
Thanks for sharing. Special thoughts are with you. xo,Jenn

[stefanie]

I think that this world is to!!!! label conscious, any way our children act or if they are advance or are even tall for there age, everyone wants to put a label on it...it has to be something...well what if thats just they way God made them, and just love them and let them be normal, not labled...wishing you nothing but sweet hugs from your sweet son!!!!

[Bryanna]

You know how I feel. You know I am here. Always. And I love you all. We will see you in about 10 days.
B

[Terri Gordon]

Hello Cassandra, Your post was so well written and I know that you have been concerned for a long time. Dylan is such a sweet boy, my heart goes out to you and your family. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Terri

[Marian]

Cassandra,
I remember one day I was complaining about my unruly stepdaughter and a lady told me that God had put me in her life for a reason. I had never thought of it that way. God knew you would be the best mommy for Dylan and you are the reason he will succeed in life. It may be difficult along the way but you can and will do it. Thinking of you.

xoxo,
Marian

[molly knox]

Dylan is such a special, amazing and SWEET boy and he has the best Mommy! I love watching you with him. You are so in tune with him and are so loving. I agree with Marian's comment, God had the perfect plan when he chose you to be Dylan's mommy. I know this is a difficult and confusing time for you facing new challenges and new labels. I am praying for you every step of the way and I have no doubt that you will get through it stronger than ever! I am so looking forward to watching Dylan grow and seeing all of the remarkable things he accomplishes. xoxo, Molly

[Karen DeCapite]

Hey Cassandra.
I keep thinking of Dylan in Savannah. He was just a cutie pie.
The three of you were such a cute and happy family.
I think God has a special plan for both of you being parents of such a gifted child. As for Dylan - how Blessed is he that he has you both as his parents? Parents who will do anything for him - whether it be easy or difficult. It seems you are already being led down a very specific path, just by the school he attends and the teachers who understand him. How awesome is that?
Yes, you have a future that holds uncertainty, but remain positive, keep smiling that sunshine smile and continue on your path. The answers will present themselves along the way.
And you have Bryanna as a special friend! I think she is just awesome and talk about fighting for your child! What a great support system you have.
As for blogging, sometimes just "talking" instead of "posting" is necessary. And we're here to listen.
Thinking about you. Hugs. Karen

[Rose Mcguinn]

It is so wonderful that you feel you can share all this news here online with your readers. It is mind-boggling what you must be going through. And the doctors may well be only on one-track thinking, as in, the intellect only. You as his mama can do so many things more for him for his sanity and peace of mind. He's feeling he's valued, obviously, and that can make a world of difference when one is that little. And saddled with a big responsibility of feeding his brain is what you and your husband will surely be for quite some time ahead. His teachers may not even have a stable picture for themselves of the turnover rate of his thinking, but the rate of his feelings I'm sure they'll be in touch with. That counts, as I'm sure you're already aware.
Please accept my hearty congratulations and deep sympathies in one breath. You will never look at life from the same vantage point again, that is obvious. And your little genius isn't alone. There are others in the world that do have his intellectual ability and may want play time with a little boy who's probably lonesome for a pal who's as smart as he himself.
Best wishes on all you must relate to with your newest adventure in parenting! And blessings for all concerned.
Rose

[Nancy]

Wonderful Post Cassandra! Thanks for sharing your beautiful child with us. Children don't come with their little Instruction booklets of Needs they have. It is up to us as parents to Love and Nurture and be aware. As parents you are to be commended for seeking out the resources Dylan will need to meet his challenges. He is so lucky to be surrounded by such support. I am here to always listen Cassandra, I am one of those gifted children. My parents too sat where you and Dale are today~

Love Ya,
Nancy

[Brigitte]

Hello Cassandra,
Every child comes with a different package...sometimes the gift has layers of wrapping and ribbons, you and you hubby will unfold them and be there for him, love Brigitte

[Jenny]

Hello Cassandra,

I just wanted to share that I have a nephew who has Aspergers. He currently is a senior in high school and is thriving. His life has not stopped and is very popular in school...he is invited to parties and has gone to the prom just like any other kid. Everyone in school knows him and by the way is very poplar with the girls. He has been making college plans and tells his parents he is moving out and going away to college and I honestly believe he will.

I realize that children are different but one thing that I have witnessed is that he has not been sheltered or coddled and put into "special classes" or programs. He has been encouraged to join sports, clubs and youth groups. He loves to dance and has danced with the same dance group since he was about 8 years old or so. Of course he has his "days" and is allowed to have his "days". Don't we all though?

I hope this helps. Keep your courage and move onward! God's blessing to you and your family.

Jenny

[Erica]

Thank you for sharing this personal story. With any child, your life is full of ups and downs - your may just be of a different sort. It's wonderful that Dylan has a teacher who completely understands what he needs. Your lives will be filled with many more blessings in the years to come. Enjoy them all - big and small!

[Francie Thornton]

You have received some wonderful comments with loving support and suggestions. All I can add is that God gives very special children to very special parents. (())

[Michelle]

Dear Cassandra, thank you for sharing. My two oldest boys have Aspergers, so I understand how you are feeling. If you ever want to talk please feel free to e-mail me. We are blessed to be entrusted with these gifted and amazing children. :-)
Big hugs,
Michelle

[Michelle]

Michelle again, forgot to add my blog address.

[claudie]

Found you thru fb and Jenn H. I LOVE your creations, and most of all your ability to write your feelings down like that. You are amazing. I have 3 grown children, 18, 20, 22. The middle child Riley, struggled his whole wee life with school, while his little brother excelled. I always made sure that his teachers signed a written note to me about understanding where he was coming from. If it hadn't been for all his "testing" when he was young, we would have always called him "different". He's a great kid, loves life, easy going, happy and social, very social.
Your Dylan will be fine, I know it. Always make sure that his teachers know EXACTLY who he truly is.
Best of luck teaching your sweet class in Fla. I"m going to Jenn's event in Asheville in Oct. I can't wait.
Love from Canada
Claudie
xoxoxo

[Rhonda]

Hi Cassandra, I have been following your blog for a while and I am not usually one to post comments, but this post was touching.You are very blessed to have such a wonderful son. I have a 14year old son who has Aspergers. He was not diagnosed until he was 10, but we always knew something just wasn't right. He too is extremely intelligent. He really started struggling with social situations in about the 4th grade. I have always had him enrolled in Boyscouts and it has done wonders for him socially. He is now in the 8th grade and plays 3 instruments for his school band and also plays football and wrestling. Last night after a football game he came home and asked me why it is so hard for him to have friends. My only regret is that we didn't recognize these things sooner and get him more involved with others his age. No one ever tells new mothers how important play-dates and common communication skills are. I have never thought of my son as being labeled. He is a true joy in my life and I don't know what my life would be like if he didn't have Asperges. He has taught me so much more than anyone I have ever met.
You sound like an amazing mother and your son is lucky to have you in his life. Best of luck with the adventures before you!
Rhonda

[Mette]

Its hard to think far in advance to when he is a teenager or even an adult but you till find that most (or a large number) of highly skilled professionals such as neurosurgeons, neurologists and many other fields are filled with such talented adults, that are also somewhere on the spectrum although mostly Aspergers. Those precious ppl save our lives and perform miracles every day without them my own child would not be alive today (his own neurosurgeon is more than likely on the spectrum although i guess you never can tell.

Such an amazing life you will see blossom and grow as he gets older, but its the younger years, yes early intervention where it is your job to give him all the skills he needs out there in that big world. I dont doubt you will give him all the care he needs as I have given my son.

Its a long long rd and fraught with many challenges but extremely rewarding as is parenting any child, constantly I morn the loss of what could have been and what he may have been but also am so very happy for the little boy I know have whom I never would have known had he been a "normal" child part of my sons disability makes him who he is I would hate to take that away from him.

Good luck in your endeavours and "Welcome to Holland" its a beautiful place.......

- Google the poem "welcome to Holland", please don't feel as though i am referring to Aspergers as a disability, its my son that has a disability

[Sally]

I think that the hardest part is acknowledging that your child needs help - and you've already done that! I counsel kids and work with a lot of Aspergers kids mainly because of social or classroom issues and I think that having a teacher who is willing to work with you is the best way to help your child. You love your son and are giving him support and skills that will help him navigate life successfully. That's what parenting is all about - bravo!

(A lot of parents have told me that support groups for parents of children with Aspergers have made a world of difference for them so don't forget to get support for you and your husband. You can't take care of your son if you're not getting the support you need as well).